My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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