I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
