i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
