I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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