We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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