He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
