ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
