It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
