He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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