My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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