Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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