If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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