idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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