I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
