You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
