Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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