butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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