nutella sex= disaster
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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