I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
