using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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