The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
