I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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