I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
