Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
