Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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