i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
