cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think your dad took our porno
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
