1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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