So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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