She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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