So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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