she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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