you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
