so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
