My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
