Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
