i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
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Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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