His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
