so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
