im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
