just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
