do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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