I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
