Your face is a jimmy john
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
