yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
