a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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