just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
