Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
