Tell her she can't have a vagina
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
