You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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