Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
