this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
