my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
