I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
