Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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