My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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