I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
