the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
