I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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