im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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