with your own penis?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i came on her dog
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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