btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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