that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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