If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
