she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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