There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's shark week go big or go home
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
